It is hard to believe it has been 8 months since we first stepped foot into the fertility clinic to begin a walk down this hard and winding road. Equally as hard to believe that it has been nearly 6.5 years since we began trying to build our family, without any idea the weeks, months and years that were set before us and all the pain, heartache, joy and freedom we would find in it all. As most of you know, we started out the year going down the fertility treatment route, we were weary of it all but prayed and felt like we got an "okay" from the Lord to move forward in this way to build our family, so we did. After our second failed IUI, I felt very uneasy with moving forward with #3 I couldn't quite pinpoint why but I didn't have peace about it. We begin to talk about the idea of IVF and all that would entail, from what my medicine protocol would like it, to how in debt we would become from it. Still seeking the Lord along the way but feeling very fearful that my desire for pregnancy again were falling through my hands. We decide to go ahead and do a IVF orientation, something that is required for those doing IVF anyways regardless if we were ready to move forward the next month or not for year, so we said okay! This meeting was a bit nerve racking and heart wrenching as we listening to the doctor talk about all that would happen, they loved us for IVF because we apparently have a great percentage 50-75% chance of success. I honestly don't know how they come up with these stats, like we have <3% to get pregnant naturally on our own- but we have unexplained infertility, frustrating for sure. So although our success rate is very high I am weary as to what makes them think that and honestly they can't guarantee anything, it is all so very strange really. Okay, so getting back to my point & story. The meeting was long, close to 3 hours, we talked about everything we learned every medicine I would have to be on up to 3-4 injections a day, estrogen patches, and progesterone injections up until I am 12 weeks pregnant. Not to mention all the oral medicine I would be taking as well to reduce risk of infection and not even entirely sure what it all is. We left the appointment feeling overwhelmed, well informed about what our next step would look like & cost if we decided to move forward in that direction, but overwhelmed non the less. I kept asking God, "Why would you say okay and let us walk down this route if you knew this would be the outcome?" He saw my heart break each month, the tears that seemed to never stop. I started to question whether I actually heard the Lord and if I just wanted this so badly that I made myself believe that He was okay with this. I believe the enemy loves when we get to this point in our walk with the Lord, we become to defeated by the trials we are facing that we begin to believe all the lies that he is feeding us and we begin down this slippery slope of despair. But God, He knows our hearts and desires, His plan for us is good, so good! So as I dove back into the word and really sought the Lord on this matter, He began to reveal things me in such a new way, it felt like I had been blind and now I see! For so many years I feel like I believed the lie that God wanted me to be barren, so that I would be able to use my trial, my sufferings to bring Him glory. Was I taught that? Why did I believe this lie? Cause sweet friends, that is NOT the heart of God. God is the one who created family, "Be fruitful and multiply", "Blessed is the one who's quiver is full ", "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward". <----So this is His will, this is how he created our lives to be and unfortunately the fall happened and sin entered the world, along with all kinds of diseases, including ones that cause fertility issues. My friends, this is not God's best, not His heart for us, it is so much greater and vast then we can even fathom. I struggled to truly share my heart and what He has shown me out of lack of faith in this area or varied options. So don't get me wrong, I believe God has an individual plan for each of us and only YOU can hear what that is for YOUR life, don't let anyway scare you out of believing what God has promised you! So I don't know about you but the God that I believe in is a God of miracles, healing the blind, raising the dead, and opening the wombs of so many barren women in the Bible! We believe God is good,His plan for us is good and we believe his promises are for us and you, my friends! So whats next? We are believing God for a miracle, we know it is coming and we cannot wait to give Him all the glory! In the meantime we will be doing all we can to prepare ourselves for our sweet miracle- mainly getting my body as healthy as possible. I will be focusing on getting my body to my healthy weight, I will be following an anti-inflammatory diet, endometriosis cause lots of inflammation, as well as other fertility issues I have. I am looking into adding as many herbs and natural supplements into my diet as well that will add in support of healthy fertility. I am open to and would love to hear any tips you may have or supplements that have helped you guys as well. I will be looking into consulting with a naturally minded doctor to gain wisdom and understanding as to what would best suit my needs. We are so grateful for all the support we have from our community of friends and family, it means so much to us knowing we have your prayers and suport behind us. We are so excited for all the Lord is doing in our lives, this has been a very rough year for us going through all of this and we are so thankful for the Lord revealing all these things to us, and for us being open to hearing. Moving forward we are focusing on growing in our relationship with the Lord, each other and our families. Please join us in prayer and faith as we trust God to work and move in our lives!
I will leave you with this worship song that has been such an encouragement to me lately.
The One who made the blind to see
Is moving here in front of me, moving here in front of me
The One who made the deaf to hear
Is silencing my every fear, silencing my every fear
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
The One who does impossible is
Reaching out to make me whole
Reaching out to make me whole
The One who put death in its place
His life is flowing through my veins
His life is flowing through my veins
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
The God who was and is to come
The power of the Risen One
The God who brings the dead to life
You're the God of miracles
You're the God of miracles
The God who was and is to come
The power of the Risen One
The God who brings the dead to life
You're the God of miracles
You're the God of miracles
