Sunday, April 23, 2017

Good and Faithful God

Dear Friends,

 I am not sure how to start out this post so forgive me if my words run together, the Lord has been speaking to me a lot and I want to share all that I can with you. It is with sadness and grief that the reason behind the post today is a failed treatment. Earlier in the month, like I stated in vaguely in our last post, we underwent our first IUI procedure. We had and STILL HAVE lots of hope, of course our hearts must grief that this was not the month or the timing that the Lord had in mind for us. In my heart of hearts I felt that the first treatment wouldn't happen, but I allowed myself to hope with great optimism, and NO I don't regret having that hope. I had some people in my life that tried to talk me down from the hope which the Lord had given me, the ability to dream and foresee a future with a new baby ( or two!). I realize that hurt is greater when the hope I had was so real, but dear friends, what do we have if not hope? I have been in a constant state of doubt and pessimism within our infertility struggle, completely jaded by the hurt month after month after month. I never allowed myself to hope or have joy in the future or trust the Lord had a plan or perfect time. I honestly just thought this obviously isn't for me, but why then, why would He give me the strongest desire to carry a child, why would He speak about the fruit our womb so much in His word if it wasn't a natural desire? So as much as my heart broke when I read the negative pregnancy test, I have hope and that my friends, is so much! I want to clarify something, I feel like I had been fed a lie that because we struggled with this I A- had done something to deserve this as a punishment or B-This isn't God's plan for me. Now let me say this, I am learning so much about the person of God and His heart as we continue into this journey and one of the things I have learned is children of your womb is biblical and a good desire from the Lord and its something that is important to Him or He wouldn't have spoke about it so much. I do think God has a different plan for each everyone of us but I think its so easy to almost shut the door on any area for that matter that isn't happening or seems impossible because, let me tell you keeping that door open is not a walk in the park. I have learned some hard things about myself and areas of my life I have been out of the will of God for so many years its not even funny. So I understand not wanting to keep that door open cause its hard friends, but oh dear ones, its so worth all the tears and brokenness to enter into this amazing place God wants to take you.  He never promised us it would easy He just promised we would never be alone. I know its so easy to look at those around you who have what you want and question Gods will in your life and ask Why. Just because they have what you want does not mean their life is perfect they more then likely are looking at you in desire of something that I have been seeking and begging of God for many years, so don't assume just because they have the thing you want that they aren't struggle in any areas. I want to share with you a short paragraph out of a devotional I read this week that really hit home and I hope it ministers to you the same way.

Oh, how I love her unflinching faith. Where barrenness and mistreatment by Pininnah could have caused Hannah to completely lose heart, she refused to be deterred from trusting in God. She possessed a faith that was not contingent upon her circumstances, but based on what she knew to be true about her good and faithful God. A faith that let her to pray with so much passion and boldness in the tabernacle that Eli, the high priest, accused her of being drunk ( 1 Samuel 1:13-14)
And in the matter of four verses ( 17-20)  her cries of aguish gave way to the cries of her newborn son. Of course, 1 Samuel 1:20 uses very clear words to let us know Hannah's answer didn't come right away.

I just love everthing about those words. My beloved friends, imagine the impact we could have in our families, churches, and communities if we could live the way Hannah did. If we would live our lives in reckless abandon and "have a faith that is not contingent on circumstances, but based on what WE KNOW to be true about our GOOD and FAITHFUL God." I know its so much easier to write and say those words then live them out but I want that, I don't know about you but I want it. As much as pregnancy and child bearing is a deep rooted desire in my heart and I would literally give my all for that miracle. Above all JESUS, He is the reason we live and breath and I want my life to glorify Him. If that means I spend the rest of this earthy life desiring pregnancy and never attaining it, however, in purist of it I am able to come into an even deeper rooted relationship with Christ. My brothers and sisters, I WILL, I will. Thats it, that is what we are here for, what we are created for to glorify and bring glory to His holy name. I know He has a perfect plan and perfect timing for everything in our lives, I also know He can see the whole picture and I only want to be in His will. I know He isn't finished and this isn't the end of our story but just the beginning. We will be continuing on with our fertility treatments as we seek His guidance and through each step we take we see His hand over it all. The amount of love and peace He has poured over me in these last few weeks of grief have been immeasurable and I am so grateful to have His hand in our lives as we walk this difficult road He has set before us. We are so very grateful for all our family and friends who have stood in the gap and lifted us up and those who have prayed and wept with us, you mean more to us then you will know. I will leave you with this, my Pastor is teaching a series that I think so applies to this time in our lives- JESUS IS BETTER! and is He ever. There was a song we sang at church today that left me in a puddle and I wanted to share it with you in hopes in encourages you in your current state. We love and appreciate you all so much.

The One who made the blind to see
Is moving here in front of me, moving here in front of me
The One who made the deaf to hear
Is silencing my every fear, silencing my every fear

I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
The One who does impossible is
Reaching out to make me whole
Reaching out to make me whole
The One who put death in its place
His life is flowing through my veins
His life is flowing through my veins

[Chorus x2:]
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
I believe in You, I believe in You
You're the God of miracles
The God who was and is to come
The power of the Risen One
The God who brings the dead to life
You're the God of miracles!
You're the God of miracles!

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Blessed beyond measure 

Hey friends! I made a quick video for y'all with a few little updates. We are so grateful for all the prayers and thoughts from everyone. We know you are investing in this journey with us as well but ask that you please allow us our privacy during these next weeks-month. We know you are so excited and want to share in our joy or mourn along side us but we really need to have some time just as a family to process whatever the outcome of these treatment may be. :) With that being said, we are so thankful for our friends that have truly stepped in like family (we unfortunately don't have family in state ) and helped us by keeping and loving on our sweet Beckham during all these visit- we are so grateful! ❤ Keep us in your prayers and thoughts and I will continue to update as we move forward in our journey.


   Morgan Lynn

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

With grateful hearts and hopeful souls....

Hello Friends,

      I made a quick video update for y'all to get y'all in the loop as to where we are currently! Thank you again for all the prayer and encouragement, its been overwhelming! This has to be the most busy year of our lives, we are home for a couple weeks and then gone again. I am so grateful the Lord has blessed us with the ability to do so, it just is exhausting for sure! 
  My sweet sister is getting married in a couple weeks so be kind if I am delayed in replying to your comments and questions. I also wanted to mention if there are any topics or questions that y'all have and would like me to make a video on, I would be happy to! Feel free to comment or send me a private message, this topic is so sensitive so I understand wanting to stay anonymous.

Blessings to you all,

Morgan Lynn <3

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Follow up

" For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. " For as the heavens are higher then the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, Any My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8&9

   I want to start out by saying sorry for the delay. As you know, from my previous post, we had our follow up appointment with our doctor on february 10th. My plan was to blog striaght away, however, we had a death in our family and were out of state for nearly a week. So, I apologize for the delay.


   We were very pleased with all our results and what the doctor had to say. I shared what treatments we will be doing in the video below so make sure you listen to that as well. So we will be starting with an IUI or insemination, What is that?! If you have not been in the fertility world before then most of these terms are most likely foreign to you. So in short an IUI is this; I will be starting by taking a oral medicine for 5 days of my cycle ( if my ovaries are clear of cysts) and I will go into the doctor for a ultrasound right before ovulation to make sure all is okay. We would come back about 2 days later for the IUI procedure- I encourage you to google the procedure if you are interested in understanding further or message me, I would be happy to share in more detail in a more private setting :)

We are so happy with our doctor, she understands this isn't something we have just started and that we are 6.5 years into TTC ( trying to conceive ) and are ready to move proactively. She gave us 3 options that I shared a bit of i in the vlog.

1-  Clomid & IUI
2-  Clomid, injection & IUI
3- IVF or invetro fertilization

So above are each option from least to most aggressive and expensive. She told us we can try option 1&2 up to 3 times each but we aren't obligated to do so. So say we do option 1 and don't have success, instead of trying it again because we would rather be more aggressive we can move straight to option 2 if we would like. She seems to think due to our health and age that we will have success without IVF which makes us very happy because that is the most invasive and most expensive treatment.

So, overall we are very pleased and excited to see our story unfold. We know that above all medical treatments and medicine that the Lord holds our future and we are so excited to see His glory manifested in our lives as we allow Him to lead us down this path as we trust Him through it all. We are so grateful for all our friends and family that have been in prayer with us and for us, we are so thankful for each and every one of you and truly covet your prayers. Thank you for asking about us and praying and thinking about us, we love you all and are so happy you are following us on this crazy adventure.

Lots of Love,

    Morgan Lynn 💓

"Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"Behold, Children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. " Psalm 127:3


Friday, January 27, 2017

Faith, Freedom & Fertility stigma

"Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive tree may fail, And the fields yield no food; Through the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls- Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, And He will make me walk on the high hills." Habakkuk 3:17-19
While I was the reading my bible today the Lord led me to this verse and I felt it was so applicable to share with you all about this journey and a great reminder that no matter the outcome, my Joy and worth comes from the Lord.
I want to share a bit of how the Lord has spoken to my heart in the past 6 years about my worth and identity and how pregnancy nor motherhood define me. I am a Daughter of the the King, A precious jewel, I am a wife to an amazing man, A daughter to the best earthly parents a girl could ask for, sister, aunt, and friend. Whatever title(s) you have been given at this current state in your life, remember that though they have significant meaning to you, they don't define who you are. We live in a world that is OBSESSED, I mean really obsessed, with titles. The world is concerned with how many you have, which ones are more important and unfortunately if you don't have the "right" title, you are not as desirable as a friend ( significant other) to many people. So right now I hold a bunch of different titles. I am a mommy, a wife, a friend, sister, aunt, daughter, runner, woman of God... the list could go on. Now, a few of those titles hold more meaning in my life simply because it's what I live day in and day out. Mommy is my biggest title and the one I so easily allow to define who I am. Obviously, as you know from either our friendship or my previous blog post, we have never been pregnant and heard the Lord calling us to adopt in 2014. I absolutely love being a mom. I dreamt of these day for so many long, tearful days and nights and I am so grateful for our son's birth mom choosing us and choosing LIFE for him. I constantly have to be reminded that even though being a mom is the greatest blessing, it doesn't define me. I was first a follower of Christ and daughter of the King and that is the title above all others that will remain if any of those others were to never happen or fall apart. We strive to be the best mom or wife, employee, friend or student. We put everything into that in hopes we will be the best at them. I know in my life that so much of my energy goes into being the best mom I can be and then when I feel as though I have "failed", my world feels like it's been rocked. I am still a work in progress, but I am learning that if I put more of my energy into my relationship with the Lord and my relationship with my husband ( Jesus, Husband, Children), that all the other areas of my life become much smoother and easier to manage. Don't allow the world's view of who you are define you. Don't allow the title that is in the foreground of your life define your worth or who the Lord says you are.

I wanted to clear the air a little bit as we continue with our journey. Forgive me if I get a little heated about this all. I am so frustrated that in 2017 there is still this HUGE stigma that comes along with infertility or any pregnancy struggles. Be it being unable to get pregnant or not being able to stay pregnant or the loss of a child full term. The CDC states that 10% of woman ( 6.1 MILLION) are unable to get or stay pregnant, and yet we still are looking down on women making them feel as if there is something wrong with them. Or what's almost even worse is the snide or "trying to be encouraging, but actually not at all" comments like, "Oh, it'll happen, stop worrying", "You sure you know what you are doing?", "I had a friend who struggled with that and they went away on a trip, stress free and got pregnant!". I obviously can only speak for myself but I will speak on behalf of the other women and couples that are going through and/or have gone through this trial, please, please, think before you speak. If you haven't experienced infertility or the loss of child, don't try and comfort as if you know what we are going through. Make us laugh, distract us, ask us about what is going on and tell us that you are so, so sorry and don't know at all what we are going through or why, but that you know it must suck, but that you love us and will be here for us for anything we may need. We don't want to be excluded from events out of fear it would hurt us. Don't treat us as if we have a contagious disease. As like any other trial or struggle you may go through, there are good days and bad and on those bad days is when we need friends more then ever to encourage and lift us up. Lastly, I know for myself I love sharing what we've gone through and are going through. It reminds me of how much I've grown and learned and all the Lord has taught me. It also is a way of healing for me, by talking about the thing itself, it makes me remember that I serve a God that is bigger and greater then any physical issues that may cross our paths.

I have another video for y'all & I have to say I am really enjoying doing the videos. I feel that I can express things much more clearly. ENJOY, SHARE & COMMENT

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Here we go...

Happy New Year, Friends & Family!
We are so thankful for such an amazing year in 2016, full of so much love, life, joy and tears. We are so very grateful for this new year and are so hopeful and very excited for how the Lord is going to grow us and challenge us through this new chapter. 
I am starting this blog as we begin this new journey through our infertility testing and treatments. I am going to be posting a mixture of written and videos blogs, as I feel there are some things that need to be spoken to hear tone and emotions.
I really struggled with whether or not to talk about this publicly until we found something out or had an actual idea of what we would be doing. I talk more about this in the video but I just really feel that being open and authentic is what this year is going to be about. It takes a village, and we are excited and happy to walk this journey with the support and love of our friends and family.
Blessings to you all ❤